Sometimes it seems as though I am in a constant battle with myself for my normal life. Every little pain or weirdness in my body sends me into a panic attack…sometimes mild…but at times overwhelming. I don’t talk to anyone about this…except Den…he listens patiently and tries to reassure me but seriously? There are no reassurances. I am trying to live day by day. I am trying to be thankful for each day. I am trying not to worry about my too short hair or whether or not my eyelashes stopped growing. I am trying not to be scared. I am trying not to cry. But I am scared and I do cry. I don’t know whether it’s better to try to forget everything that happened last year or remember every detail in order to get past it. I am sort of stuck. Today is a panic kind of day…writing this helps…sort of.
Yesterday we went to a movie. I have not been to a movie theatre in over a year. I had to think about whether to wear a hat or not…would people stare at my very short hair and why should I even care…and I had to think that if I didn’t go…Den wouldn’t go…I don’t want to deprive him of a normal life just because I am still so scared to live mine. So we went…it was fun…we planned on zipping into Weggieman’s for sushi and chocolate cake afterward but I was exhausted and just wanted to go home…get into snuggly clothes…climb I to bed…and chill. Home is still my safe place.
We saw this…so deliciously good! We loved every minute!
Today we are staying in…prepping for David The Computer Guy. It’s still so tiring to get ready to go out…I need today at home. Plus I hope to have a sidebar for Friday!
Reading these…
Den says he has been dreaming about Lettie’s Chicken for a while so he might venture out to get it…it’s a unique little place in Delaware with a tiny seating area and really yummy chicken, scrumptious sides and delectable desserts. We will see if it happens…
OMG…I am ecstatic about how easy it was to add these photos…starting to “love” WP…sort of!
Have a lovely day!
Hugs,
Patty
Books, Thoughts and Adventures 
How far is Delaware from your house? That must be yummy chicken! I’m glad WP is getting less challenging. There was definitely a learning curve when I made the switch from blogspot years ago. Really glad I made the switch so I hope you will be too.
I think your feelings must be what anyone with your experience feels. GFY getting out to see the movie. It’s on my list too see so I’m glad you loved it.
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Delaware, Mary, is minutes away…so is Maryland…and New Jersey is not that far either…we are in that funny little pocket that is close to lots of places. I am starting to like WP! Thank goodness! You are right…the more I make myself do…the more normal I feel…until the next blood test…sigh!
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Sending you a bunch of love, Patty. I know exactly how you are feeling.
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Nayes…thank you so much for sharing. Sending hugs back to you.
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So glad you were able to go out and enjoy a movie… it really is the little things of ‘normal life’ that make a difference! I’m also glad that writing about what you’re feeling helps you to feel better. And, like Mary, I think what you are feeling must be pretty normal for what you’ve gone through this past year. Take care, Patty!
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Thank you so much, Jo Anne…the movie was amazing and sharing my feelings today helped so much! It truly is the little things. I just want to keep on doing them.
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I like that you are pushing through your fears and finding normal things to do, like the movie and just going out and about. Enjoy that yummy chicken!
I am also happy that WP has started to work for you…good luck with David.
I just finished Poison. What an awesome, scary read…and until the very last page, I was so worried that Cass would not get the authorities to believe her and accept what she had learned through the process about what was happening to her. It is so true how women are victimized again by the system. So glad it worked out for this fictional character.
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I know what you mean about Cass…I can’t remember the last time I got so involved with a character….are you curious about her other books? I do need to do more ordinary things.
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Yes, I am curious about her other books. Some were published a few years ago.
I like her writing style.
I am happy you are starting to find good and ordinary things in your days.
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It’s okay to feel what you feel. Feel it so you can get past it and then surround yourself with comfort. Our crew LOVES fried chicken in this house! My man and Jellybean are always craving it. I guess because it’s getting cooler now I can fry again.
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I tell myself that same thing, Stephanie…is fried chicken the cure all for depression? It just may be!
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Illness is scary and would leave me panicking too I know. Great that you got out to see the movie and then recovery time! I have two sisters actually battling serious illness. One just got away with another sister for three days and even though it was a mission she was so pleased to get away for that time.
Yummy looking chicken – I just went out and bought an unbaked pizza from this place that is rated highly by a couple of my sisters. I get so sick of cooking that I thought I might do some kind of takeout more often!
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I always loved cooking and making everything from scratch but if I don’t prep dinner by 2… or even earlier…I am done. I try to push myself but I am so fatigued…and it’s not that I need a nap I just need to stop. I like doing partially homemade dinners now and sheet pan dinners as well as skillet dinners have saved us.
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