Not the color just the feeling. There are so many people that I pray for…I try to pray for me last. I don’t want to have selfish prayers. I try to be positive and think good thoughts but the days before a blood test and visit to my oncologist…I am so scared! Really scared! Totally scared…I have had a taste of being me again…happy, goofy, me…and at any point I could be back to the sick me…scans, blood tests, chemo, metallic mouth taste, no appetite, exhaustion, doctors…I don’t even know if I can do it again…I wasn’t really that great at it the first time. Den was the one that got me through the nightmares. He made the appointments, he packed the crackers, he made me the lemonade that was the only thing I could drink. I just existed through it all and prayed for a chance to get out on the other side. Ovarian Cancer is a rough one to fight. I am strong and I can do it…until the week before the actual blood test when all hell breaks loose in my head! I don’t want anyone else in the entire universe to know what it’s like…but it’s rough. I am sorry about this post…I just couldn’t write anything else. But it’s why I love our bedroom…Den calls it our apartment…it’s why books help and TV helps…thinking about real life does not help.
These two help…even when they sneak onto my side of our bed.
Take care…don’t ignore tummy issues the way I did…stay healthy!