Oh My…

Today is a Chemo Day.  Since I am only having chemo once a month it’s kind of easy to put it out of my head and not think about it.  But today is the day.  My heart is pounding, Den wants me to eat something but I can’t,  we pack a little bag with iPads, phones, a crunchy snack and water.  It’s the same routine every time.  I have to get blood drawn, I see my oncologist and then I am released into the chemo room.  There are busy yet ever patient nurses, snacks, comfy chairs, warm blankets, TV’s and the hustle and bustle of machines that put various fluids into my body.  Steroids, stomach soothers, and then two bags of chemo stuff…one is pink, the other is clear.  It’s very scary to me…still.  Lots of times I just want to sit by myself and cry.  Lots of times I say why me.  Lots of times I feel pathetically sorry for me and my changed life.  Woe is me…poor Patty…look at all the things I don’t do any more.  That part lasts  for a few minutes and then I shake it off and get thankful for what I have right now.  I have to.  There isn’t a reason not to be thankful.  Den is with me always.  There hasn’t been an appointment that we haven’t been to together.  Every time I start to feel sad I think about him and family and friends.  It helps.  Carrying people with me helps.

So…at this morning I will be hooked up to machines in a big room with lots of little cubbies to sit in.  Patients come with family and friends.  Patients bring lunches and order pizzas.  Last month I met a sweet nun who prayed over me.  It’s a busy hectic place but at the same time manages to be warm and nurturing.  Its where I am once a month. It’s a place for hope and healing.

Whew…I didn’t actually realize my thoughts were headed in that direction but I guess I needed to say all of that.  I try not to focus on it too much but I needed to today.


I am really into this…I want to finish it today.  It feels like a big book but when I am reading a book on my Kindle it’s hard to tell.  The pages just continue to flip.  A human skull is found in a tree hole in a witch elm at a family house and forensics determined it was a teenager killed 10 years ago.  Everyone is a suspect.  It’s so good.


I get a catalog from Amazon Publishing so yesterday was a busy book downloading day.  I can’t wait to dive into these.

Ok…I am off to prep!


16 thoughts on “Oh My…

  1. Peggy says:

    Patty, I took a friend, also named Patty, to chemo once. It was a real experience! I found myself sitting there watching people (no nice cubicles for privacy here) and wondering about their ‘stories’. You’ll always be able to comfort others who have gone through this now. ♥️


  2. argie says:

    I think of you daily, especially when I read your blog. I miss it when you do not get to post for one reason or another…..I am thinking of you especially hard today!


  3. Laurel-Rain Snow says:

    I like how you prep and bring favorite items along, not to mention Den. You are fortunate that you have him, and that he is with you every step of the way.

    I have Book One in the Tana French series, and I keep planning to read it…and it is on my Kindle, so the length of it shouldn’t bother me (612 pages)….LOL.

    The Magnolia Inn has such a gorgeous cover. Enjoy them all!


  4. Mary says:

    Sending hugs, Patty. It’s good you can compose your thoughts and get them down. It must help! And Den. What a prince.
    Oh gosh, Catherine Ryan Hyde has a new book? I’ll hope it finds a way to my mailbox! I’ve become a fan. Haven’t read Tana French. I think I’m too much of a fraidy cat. I’m intrigued by the cover of Where the Forest Meets the Stars so I’m off to look it up.
    More hugs 🙂


  5. Kathryn says:

    Patty thinking of you, I guess by now you are home, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings – it is a honour to read and be touched by them.

    The Tana French book sounds really good – reminds me of one by another author – whose name eludes me right now!


  6. Stefanie says:

    I hope chemo went smoothly today and you are resting well by now. Your emotions are real and justified (honestly, I’d be like WTF?! rather than why me?). Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. You are a warrior; you are brave. You are entitled to feel what you feel and think what you think. Hugs my friend.


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