It’s really chilly here today…so much so that I had on a thickish sweater and Den had on a jacket as we left for my cat scan appointment. A cat scan doesn’t hurt, doesn’t take long, you don’t even have to get undressed for it but it causes me a huge amount of unexplainable stress. It’s as though if there is one tiny minuscule thing wrong…the cat scan will find it and my life will be upended again. No amount of anyone telling me that it will be fine helps…I just get more stressed worrying that there will be a surprise and it won’t be a good one. I am clearly not rational about this and I don’t know how to get rational. At first I thought it was the actual machine itself…but it’s not that. Months and months ago Den used to wear a protective apron and actually stay with me during the scan. I was having major panic attacks and it was the only way I could get in that donut thing. Den keeps asking me to try to explain why I get so upset and I have no explanation. Well…actually I think I do…the cat scan found my initial Ovarian tumor and I think I see it now as the moment my life changed forever. And every time I have a cat scan…I think my mind goes back to that. I am fine and strong in spite of my paranoia…but…and there is always a but…cat scans freak me out!

Enough of that…right? Right!

Loving this book…it’s British, it involves a second wife who has to live in the footsteps of the first wife…who is dead…and deal with that wife’s teen daughter…who is not very nice. The second wife thinks that a house in the country will solve all of their problems but…it’s not quite working out that way.

Also reading this…and…it’s too early to know how I feel about it…but I love that gown!

So…my day…

Den is mulching…I made more bread…I should be on the treadmill later today…I should be on it now but I am restless and out of sorts and maybe even cranky…yep…definitely cranky…sigh!

But…you should have a great day!




17 thoughts on “Brrrr!

  1. bermudaonion says:

    We're getting that cool weather tomorrow – it's so odd for this time of year. Our neighborhood pool opens Saturday and that water's gonna be cold.

    I totally get why the CAT scan freaks you out.


  2. Ti says:

    I am going to give you something else to think about the next time you have a CAT scan. It saved your life. Cat. Cats. Lucy. Roxie. Enough said.


  3. Stefanie Ng says:

    Your reaction is normal and natural. That's a strong memory you have of that process. Please try to relax now at home. I think the treadmill will do you good to detox and work out that stress.


  4. McGuffy Ann Morris says:

    Patty, you did not go this far to give up. This test is for positive reasons. That first was was to look for trouble. This one is to proved you kicked its butt! You will be okay. You are stronger than you thought. You proved that! Hugs!


  5. DMS says:

    I hope the CAT scan went well. I can understand why it causes you stress. Going back in the machine is a trigger for you. I know it is hard, but I think it is great that you keep doing it even if you are scared. I worry about finding out there is something wrong when I have tests done, but I try to remember that early detection can make a world of difference.

    Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

    *In response to your comment on my blog- You are welcome! I think of you often and am always hoping for good health for you. I feel like I have known you for years through the blogosphere. I always look forward to your posts, book reviews, and menu sharing. πŸ™‚ I have felt a kinship to you because we both love organization and our teaching backgrounds. I may not come by as often as I would like- but I think of you and wish for nothing but the best for you. πŸ™‚


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