Sometimes it seems as though I am in a constant battle with myself for my normal life. Every little pain or weirdness in my body sends me into a panic attack…sometimes mild…but at times overwhelming. I don’t talk to anyone about this…except Den…he listens patiently and tries to reassure me but seriously? There are no reassurances. I am trying to live day by day. I am trying to be thankful for each day. I am trying not to worry about my too short hair or whether or not my eyelashes stopped growing. I am trying not to be scared. I am trying not to cry. But I am scared and I do cry. I don’t know whether it’s better to try to forget everything that happened last year or remember every detail in order to get past it. I am sort of stuck. Today is a panic kind of day…writing this helps…sort of.
Yesterday we went to a movie. I have not been to a movie theatre in over a year. I had to think about whether to wear a hat or not…would people stare at my very short hair and why should I even care…and I had to think that if I didn’t go…Den wouldn’t go…I don’t want to deprive him of a normal life just because I am still so scared to live mine. So we went…it was fun…we planned on zipping into Weggieman’s for sushi and chocolate cake afterward but I was exhausted and just wanted to go home…get into snuggly clothes…climb I to bed…and chill. Home is still my safe place.
We saw this…so deliciously good! We loved every minute!
Today we are staying in…prepping for David The Computer Guy. It’s still so tiring to get ready to go out…I need today at home. Plus I hope to have a sidebar for Friday!
Den says he has been dreaming about Lettie’s Chicken for a while so he might venture out to get it…it’s a unique little place in Delaware with a tiny seating area and really yummy chicken, scrumptious sides and delectable desserts. We will see if it happens…
OMG…I am ecstatic about how easy it was to add these photos…starting to “love” WP…sort of!
Have a lovely day!