Trying So Hard…

I am trying so hard to stay on top of things…I really am…but I am exhausted.  I met with my beloved Oncologist…then my second beloved surgeon oncologist…then my beloved nurse Navigator.  Then Monday was a rest day…then Tuesday was a meeting with the surgeon…then on Wednesday the trip to the ambulatory center to get a new port in and then an old port in my tummy out.  Ick!  Normally you get this wonderful stuff called twilight sleep but I had to have complete anesthesia because apparently I move way too much.   But here is the most amazing thing!  When I woke up I woke up in bright lights…vivid bright sparkly lights and my mom was there telling me to notice the lights and appreciate the lights!  And then I couldn’t stop telling the nurses about the lights and how amazing the lights made me feel!

I have had to type this paragraph about a zillion times because it’s been gibberish.  I also think I typed it before but I don’t even care.  I just want to put my head down on my pillow and sleep and then shower and then sleep even more!   What is wrong with me?  My tummy is bloated, I can’t keep my eyes open and chemo starts on Wednesday!   Den is doing everything and it breaks my heart. I pray that once I get into a routine I will be more normal and helpful!  But I can’t look at food right now and  I can only drink limeade…tart icy and cold!

I am praying for strength…I need to care for my Den and my girls…I need to walk and move.  I need to dig deep within me and do this!



17 thoughts on “Trying So Hard…

  1. Barbara (friend from goodreads) says:

    Please don’t stress over keeping up with or taking care of anything, but yourself.
    We are all pulling for you. You can do this!!!


  2. Ti says:

    You really don’t need to worry about the every day stuff. It will get done and you know Den does not care one bit about that. Just focus on what you need to do to get well. That must come first.

    It’s all so much for you right now but as soon as you get all this lined up it will be better.


  3. DEZZY says:

    Waking from anaesthesia is such an interesting and unusual experience, you feel like you just blinked, and no time has passed. Thankfully I always react good to them, but I’ve seen people puking like crazy after getting knocked out 🙂


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